Warning: Everything that I'm about to say is the raw truth. It's what I really think. No sugar coating, just the truth. I apologize in advance for any offensive material.

How do I start the end? I wanna keep it short but I have so much to say...whether it's good or bad, it's important that I tell the truth. I value honesty more than any other quality in a person...but why is it so hard for me to be honest...to others and to myself. I never let people know who I really am because I don't want to get hurt. I'm not close to anyone, I don't talk to anyone, I don't let anyone know my true feelings. I don't have any friends...not anymore...

I'm just a mindless drone now. For a while now, I've been living life so unhappily but I didn't let anyone know, including myself. My days would consist of waking up, eating, going to school and work, eating again, doing homework, showering, and then sleeping. Every single day, the same thing. And I couldn't do anything about it except keep doing the same thing everyday. I didn't have any free time anymore...even if I did, I wasted it on unimportant things like looking for deals and buying DVDs. I don't have a plan for life. I can't organize myself even though I try. It's pretty obvious if you've seen my room at home...or my desk at school. I don't have my priorities straightened out and it's cost me...time, money, friends...

The truth is that I'm a selfish jerk.

Don't forget how stupid I am. My memory is worse than that guy in Memento's. I might have a kind of photographic memory but it's pretty weak cuz it doesn't work well. And for non-visual things, forget about it (sorry for the pun). I forget it in like 2 seconds. If you're talking to me about something I don't care about, I'm probably not listening and I'm just saying "Uh huh..." a bunch of times. If anything, I'll forget about it when I go to sleep. Every day when I wake up, it's like a new life for me. I don't remember anything that I don't want to remember. I've tried to not forget...but I guess I didn't try hard enough cuz it's still there.

There are only a couple of people who might've made a difference in my life. I don't know what I'd be doing without them...probably more unfriendly...maybe even dead. One of the most influencing people is Hito. He's always trying to get rich quick...always trying to become successful. I tried to learn from him. He talked with me and tried to get me onto the right track but I definitely took a wrong turn somewhere. One of the most inspiring stories (which I unfortunately forgot the details to) he told me was that when he was in high school, he felt that he had a personal weakness. So everyday, he'd tell himself that he wasn't weak and that he was the opposite of that weakness and then he overcame it. So I thought of what my weaknesses were and I tried to correct myself. This was way back in like freshman year of high school and I came up with 3 qualities that I wanted to have. During that time, I believed that the most important thing in life was to be happy, so that was the top quality that I wanted to have. I felt that being successful in life was also very important so that was my second quality. Finally, one of my biggest weaknesses was obviously that I was too quiet and shy so my third quality was to be outgoing. So everyday since then, I tell myself, "I'm happy. I'm successful. I'm outgoing." over and over. A while later, I came up with something...I had been having trouble sleeping and I suspected that it was because I was thinking about things too much while lying in bed. In order to alleviate that problem, I thought that it would be beneficial for me to set a time when I could reflect on the day in an orderly fashion so that I wouldn't have all these thoughts floating around and not be able to sleep. So I created the "happy, successful, and outgoing" routine...every night, before I fell asleep, I would name 3 things that I did that day that made me happy, 2 things that I did that day that I did successfully, and 1 thing that I did that was outgoing. So not only was I fixing my sleeping problems, I was also encouraging myself to do things that would make me happy, successful, and outgoing. Every night since then, I have followed this routine. Sometimes it's quick and I name stuff and I go to sleep. Other times, I have trouble naming things...like if I had a pretty boring and short day, I might not have done something outgoing. But I always end up finding something that I can consider outgoing...something that a shy person wouldn't do. So even up until last night, "happy, successful, and outgoing." I might've missed a couple nights because I was distracted or super tired but when I wake up, I always realize that I missed it so I would list my things while I brushed my teeth or something. I don't know if it's been beneficial to me or if it's been blinding me. But I'm tired...I don't want to be a mindless drone. I don't want to follow these routines anymore....so I'm gonna stop it. Sheesh, it feels like forevers...at least 7 years...and I feel like I shouldn't stop but why am I doing it? It doesn't matter.

Besides that, Hito has always tried to help me out. I looked up to him. He was like a personal counselor at times. He'd tell me what he had learned from reading books on success and he'd try to help me organize my life. But I failed him. One of the last times I've talked to him (about 7 years ago), he helped me develop a plan of what I wanted to do. I had it all written down, with actions that I would do within a set amount of time so that I would achieve my goals...I didn't do a single one of them. I'm just a lazy bum...I might have some academic skills but that's mostly just in math. People assume that I'll become successful and wealthy in the future but I got them fooled. I'm too lazy to ever do anything.

Back in high school, I had a dream to live forever. I'm afraid of death. Everytime I think about it, I want to cry. I wanted to live forever...I told my classmates about it and most of them laughed at me. I had this thing where I went around asking everyone if they wanted to live forever. I had a sheet of paper that I wrote their names on. There were two lists of names: people who wanted to live forever and people who didn't. I told them that when I figured out a way to live forever, I'd call up all the people who wanted to live forever and make them live forever...and for the other people, I'd ignore them...even if they begged me to help them, I wouldn't because they were on that list.

What are my priorities? It seems like anything related to computers is always on the top of my list. I'm always on a computer. I have 2 computers at home, 1 at my apartment, and now a laptop. I even have 1 at work that I sit in front of all day. Even if I had so a bunch of other super important things to do, if there's something wrong with my computer, I'll fix it first. Heck, even if it's someone else's computer and they ask for help, I'll fix it before I do my homework or whatevers. What should be my priorities? I don't know.

June 4, 2000. That's more than 2 and a half years ago. It's funny how some things changed so much and yet some things changed so little.

So what if I'm a momma's boy? I know my family has problems. I know I've been ignoring them. I'm just escaping reality again so that I can live an easy life and pretend to be happy.

Linda's computer days 2 and 3: Last Saturday, after the LA Auto Show, I continued my work on the computer. To keep it short, the power supply sparked and blew out. This week, I was supposed to go exchange it but I couldn't find the receipt and they wouldn't exchange it without a receipt. When I finally found it, it was too late because they were closed. Sorry Linda. But then what's worse is that I spent the rest of the day working on the computer still. I wanted to swap my CPU with hers...both Athlon XP 1700+ but hers was newer and had more overclocking potential. I got greedy...both of our systems worked...now only one does. Somehow the newer CPU died. I think I shorted something inside cuz I was cleaning it with acetone and I may have tried to start the computer up while it was still wet. Yes, acetone is safe on the CPU...but the water isn't. Or maybe it's cuz after it didn't work, I booted it up a couple times without a heatsink cuz I was lazy. Now I can only hope that I can get it exchanged for a new one and then I'll be more careful with it. If all goes well, I should be able to get 2200+ speeds (1.8 Ghz). I have the worse luck with computers though.

So this is it...my last post. On April 28, 2003, I will be taking this page down along with all the other pages here at chuonthis.com. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the site now...it officially went live on October 4, 2000 and it's been fun. Thanks to all those who have visited this site and to those few who read my blog.

Am I lying to myself? You know...at first I forced myself to believe that I didn't love you. I wasn't happy...I hadn't been happy for a very long time and I blamed it on you when I should've blamed it on myself. I didn't lie to you. The only times I do are when I want you to shut up. Don't trust me though. I'm a selfish jerk. Of course I still love you but I don't wanna take anymore of your crap.

80 days and 80 nights...

Hurray! The day had finally come. After weeks of waiting, the first Cal Anime Episilon meeting had arrived. Three of hours of pure anime enjoyment was awaiting me tonight. Last quarter, three series finished up so that means three new series for this quarter! What were they? I didn't know...

I got there just as they started making announcements. The first hour of anime for the night was going to be...the first (hour long) episode of GTO (Great Teacher Onizuka). I had heard so much good stuff about it from NaTSuMi and I was actually downloading the episodes to see how it was but now that Cal Animage is showing it, I don't have to do anything (except watch the 40 episodes one week at a time). Here's a quote from the official site, just to let you guys know how good it is (even though I'm basing my judgment on the first episodes, which was really really good): The finale of the...GTO television series was the most watched program in the history of Japanese TV! Wow. It's a super guy anime but the girls at the club seemed to enjoy the show. The one thing that I kinda didn't like about it is that the art sometimes looks really ugly. But like NaTSuMi said, the style is reminiscent of Golden Boy...not sure if that's good or bad...oh wells, can't wait to watch more.

So the next hour of anime was the same as last quarter's: Azumanga Daioh (voted Best Anime of 2002 by me) and Abenobashi Mahou Shoutengai (definitely a candidate for funniest anime once I finish watching it)! Unfortunately, we are at the "boring" part of Azumanga...the dreams episode and next week is going to be the Sakaki episode. Ahhh! With the exception of those two episodes (hmm...maybe one more with Sakaki as the main character), Azumanga Daioh is the best! I cannot recommend anything else as much as I can recommend Azumanga. Abenobashi was another repeat for me because I got greedy and downloaded some episodes to watch. But next week will be a new episode, hurray!

Finally, the last hour of anime contained another new series, Full Metal Panic. I have definitely been interested in this anime and was also going to download it but now it's showing at Cal Animage so I don't have to. It's a mecha-action/comedy type anime and the character designs are nice. I'm sure I'll enjoy it. After Full Metal Panic, came the usual Witch Hunter Robin to end the night. It's not really that great but a lot of people in anime forums seem to like it. So far, it's just been a bunch of filler episodes and nothing really happens. Oh wells, some of the story is okay and what little character development there is seems to have a lot of potential.

So wait a minute, that's only two new series(es?). Yup, there're two reasons...first, GTO took up the first hour so we could only watch five episodes today. Second, the other series is going to be Saikano. I haven't heard anything about it but from the website, it looks crazy. We actually aren't going to start watching it until three more weeks because they are scheduling it so we can watch it as the DVDs are released. At first they're like "Yeah, it's not a problem because it has subtitles! Yah!" and I was like huh? And then I did my research and found out that the only DVDs out are the Japanese ones. Japanese DVDs usually don't have English subtitles...occassionally they do though and this was one of those occassions. It's pretty crazy that they are getting the Japanese DVDs...I wish I could do that but those DVDs are waaaaay expensive to import them and I already spend enough on anime DVDs.

Until then, they are having a poll to see what we want to do for the 6th episode for the next two weeks. I'm gonna vote for watching Elf Princess Rane. Haven't seen it but I've seen the DVD everywhere so I'm interested. I haven't looked at any pictures of it or anything so I have no idea what it's about and that's why I wanna watch it. Until then, hmm...I'll be watching Vandread I guess...I might have to get the DVDs but such a waste when I already have the fansubs.

Kill Bill! View the trailer! Thanks to NaTSuMi for the link. Can't wait for another Quentin Tarantino movie!

As promised, the 2003 LA Auto Show. So I was woke up Saturday morning super tired to go look at the family pictures that we took the previous week. We went to look at the proofs and choose which pictures we wanted to enlarge and stuff. As expected, I turned out funny looking in most of the pictures so no scans will be posted.

Anyways, part of the reason that I was willing to wake up early was because my sister asked if I wanted to go to the Auto Show and I was like "Hells yeah!" I had to take care of Linda's computer first though because the stores weren't going to be on Sunday and she needed the computer this week (more on that later). Well, we finally leave at 3:00 PM but it's not too late because the show was still going on when we left at 7:00 PM. We got free tickets to go because Tommy's friend works at a car dealership or something. Either way, it was free so yeah!

At first, it was kinda boring cuz the first hall we went to started off with American cars. I was anxiously waiting to find a car I could take pictures of but nothing. Domestic cars suck (with a few exceptions). After walking around for a while, we finally came to the Toyota section and I was like "Where are the Matrixes?!" Nothing new with the Matrixes but I got to sit in one and check it out up close and personal for the first time. I really liked it ("liked" being the keyword)...I have a thing for hatchbacks (CRX!!!). Then we checked out some other Toyotas. In the background, I heard some radio thing going on and I looked and saw KFWB! I always listen to it so I had to snap a couple shots of them. It's crazy cuz they just have a bunch of computers and read the stuff off of it.

Next to the Toyotas, there was a little section with three cars and I was like "Scion? What's that?! Let's go find some other cars to look at." but my party was already looking at the cars. Toyota is makes the Scions and the first two that we saw were Scion xB's. They're these big old vans. My coworker told me the story about them...a couple years ago in Japan, everyone wanted the Chevy Astro van but it was hella expensive to import an American car to Japan so a couple car companies (including Toyota) made vans that looked like it and that's how the xB came to life. When he first said "Chevy Astro" I was like "Oh yeah!!" The car looked so familiar, but I couldn't figure out where I had seen it before. It's still ugly though but it had a nice audio system. Pioneer equipment everywhere. So I was like, alright...I'll take a couple pictures of this ugly car and then I saw it...the Scion xA! It looks like a Matrix but it was smaller and it was perfect. It was like Toyota listened to all my complaints about the Matrix and created this car! I was practically drooling over it. Unfortunately, they didn't let people get inside and play with it. Some info about the xA: it's planned to come out June of this year and is priced under $16,000! It comes standard wth what you'd expect any modern car to and then some. All Scions will have Pioneer audio systems including MP3 CD players (6-disc in-dash optional)! It's supposed to be for the audiotistic group cuz here's the kicker...108 horsepower. This car's gonna be getting some good mileage but 108 HP?! Thankfully, my coworker told me about this article (check out the gallery!).

Powered by 1.5-liter inline four-cylinder engines rated at only 108 hp and 105 pound-feet of torque, the xA and xB won't be barn burners. But aftermarket accessories will be available at dealerships to bump horsepower to nearly 200.

Next came the Lexus, BMW, Audi, Subaru, and Acura sections. Nothing special here, check out the gallery for some of the pictures I took. We were looking forward to the Mitsubishi section because of the Lancer Evolution VIII world debut. Nice car. Fast car. It's gonna be the main car in 2 Fast 2 Furious (Fast and the Furious 2). They were showing the trailer for it and it looked pretty crazy but I doubt there will be any story. Just nice cars (what an understatement!).

Next up, the hall with the super expensive cars. Lamborghini's on one side, Bentley's on the other. It was the most crowded hall yet. Once again, there was a no touching thing going on so that wasn't fun at all. Lotso cars that I would've never been able to see though. Too bad the lighting in there was really bad and my Canon S330's flash isn't strong. Lots of my pictures came out too dark with the flash and blurry without the flash. Lots of missed opportunities for some nice pictures.

Next came a little Aston Martin hall. They had the Die Another Day cars which were ugly cuz they had the weapons popping out and stuff. The cars are nice and all but a car with weapons is a real turn off. Know what happened right before though? My camera popped up the low battery light! I should've been more conservative with the battery and turn off the LCD when not in use and not waste the flash so often but I had taken about 100 pictures in about two hours so that wasn't so bad. Still might need to get an extra battery...maybe not if I'm gonna get a new camera though (Sony F717 and/or Olympus C50!). So from there, I turned off the LCD and took the shots through the viewfinder, which was way off. Well, not crooked or anything but the final picture was a lot more than what I saw in the viewfinder which is good I guess cuz I didn't miss anything. The bad thing about my camera is that when the low battery light comes on, it means you have like 5 minutes before I can't take anymore pictures. Then it only lets you view the pictures you took...and that lasts for like 5 minutes. And of course, some of the best cars came last.

The last (main) hall had Honda, Mazda, Nissan (and Infiniti), Jaguar (site doesn't support Mozilla!), etc. The last picture I got to take was of the yellow Honda Accord and then it went into the view-only mode. I tried to squeeze any energy it had left for the Insight but no luck. Shucks. From there on, I just had to admire the Nissan 350Z and listen to this chick talk about it like she knew about cars. Also checked out the Nissan Murano. It's a nice SUV if I were to like SUVs. The colors are a little weird though. After this hall, there was only one hall left, the aftermarket hall. It was pretty weak cuz they were mostly fixed up domestic cars (another turnoff). No Import Showoff here folks.

After the show, we were all hungry and we had decided earlier that we would find the hotdog man and buy some hotdogs from him. At $3 a dog, these had to be some of the yummiest hotdogs ever. The dog is wrapped in bacon and covered with grilled onions. Then it's topped off with mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard. OMG, this thing must be like a million calories but it's sooo good. Highly recommended the next time you go down to the LA Convention Center area.

And that's it. Went home afterwards to work on Linda's computer. But that's a whole 'nother blog!

Don't have any time so I gotta keep this short. Pictures from the 2003 LA Auto Show are up. Went on Saturday. Will post more about it later. Also Day 2 of Linda's Computer will be posted later.

Sheesh, my ICS131 class is gonna kill me this quarter. I'll be proud of myself if I can get an A in this class. More on that later. Hope everyone does well in school...OMG, it's sooo windy in Irvine. Watch out for falling tree limbs!

Four hours. It took me four hours to figure out what the problem was.

I came home today and watched TechTV's Anime Unleashed while I ate dinner. They were having a Crest of the Stars marathon (well, four hours). I wanted to make it home to start watching it at 8 but got there at 8:30 so I missed the first episode (I always miss the first episode!). The show's pretty good. I thought it'd be more action but it's a lot of story and at first it was pretty boring. And plus it was dubbed and it was sooo bad. They talked super slow and depressed all the time. Bandai has to do something about the dubbing cast! (Also, they screwed up on the first DVD and had to rerelease it!) Oh wells, without it, I wouldn't have survived day 1 of Linda's computer.

All the parts had come in for Linda's computer and I was anxious to see how it would turn out. I put everything together with lots of care. That only took about an hour but when I finally powered it on, nothing showed up on the screen. And no beep from the computer either. I tried for three hours trying to figure out what the problem was (with Crest of the Stars in the background). I checked all the components and nothing seemed wrong. Built-in video and sound, new RAM, new CPU -- with only those components connected, it should be okay unless they were the culprits. But I didn't think they would be damaged so I finally decided to connect the motherboard to my sister's power supply and bam! Booted up fine and dandy. Should've done that earlier. Stinky power supply. That's what I get for going with a $20 case I guess. Tomorrow (today), I'mma go back to Advanced Computers and Technology to exchange it for a new case...and I'mma try to test the power supply there to make sure it works before I spend more time on it. I was sooo tired after working on it and then I had to clean up too...and I made a huge mess so that took forevers. Plus I had to pee super bad because I was so set on finding the problem, I neglected some more important matters. I took a couple pictures that I'll post later. The case looks really nice and the inside looks way clean cuz of all the built-in stuff and plus the way I setup the cables too. I didn't put in a modem yet but those pix are obsolete now because I had to take everything out. Anyways, can't wait for day 2.

Edit: Here's a side and angle view of the case. Guess it wasn't as neat as I thought it was going to look. But that's just the picture. It's really tidy in there in real life, I promise. And wow, that Iomega burner sure brings back a lot of memories. Got him just over two years ago at a New Year's sale at CompUSA. He was only $100 when the Plextor (exact same drive) was still going for $250. Too bad it's off-colored now. =P

January 1 - March 21

So the plan for the night was to go to Nancy's group's gift exchange and then go to Nancy's family party. I sure wish I had a gift exchange or family party. But at least I don't have friends that make me wait outside of their houses for an hour in the freezing cold. Cuz that's what we had to do while we waited for a couple people to get their nails done! The gift exchange was pretty weak too...it seemed like no one cared about it. Plus I didn't get anything...

After driving through a little holiday traffic on the freeways, we were at one of Nancy's uncle's house. It was really nice there. Something I could imagine myself living in in the future. They had a super kewl theater room with a widescreen projector, 6.1 suround sound and tons of other high-tech audio/video equipment. They even had stadium seating! After eating, came the gift exchange. They were a ton of gifts and the gift exchange lasted well over an hour. Nancy's relatives are super nice. They all gave me a little something for Christmas. Mostly candy...maybe I'll gain a few pounds over the holidays. Oh yeah, I also got a super kewl headlamp. No, it's not for my car. It's a lamp for my head! Gotta post pictures of it later.

After the gift exchange, Nancy's uncle busted out his card table. He had wood chips and everything. It was pretty crazy. We were playing blackjack. At first I was losing a lot and I was pretty sad. But then Nancy came to watch and gave me lotso good luck and I won all of it back. Dealing is pretty scary. That's where I lost/won most of my money. In the end, I was up $3. Overall, I had a fun time cuz I bonded with Nancy's relatives. Nancy's grampa is the kewlest. I wish I could talk to him though but I don't speak any languages that he does. Oh wells, maybe I'll learn Vietnamese through some software or something...hope everyone has a happy holiday!

For a list of the changes in the extended version (spoilers), take a look here. I can't believe it still got a PG-13 rating.